Who She Is
by Suboi Airi
Summary: Warning! OC!Singapore! Singapore, how other countries seem to look at her, and how she seems to look at other countries and the world. The chapters do not usually need to relate to each other but some might. Some would also be based on historical events.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everybody~~! Suboi airi here~~^^

This particular fanfiction of mine contains a HUGE part-playing OC. That oc being practically the whole point and reason for this story.

Warning! OC!Singapore and some of the other SEA countries. Please enjoy ^^!

England POV

I know I have quite the penchant of adopting slightly gifted nations, America and his bizarre strength, Canada and his ability to be the most kind, and Australia with his familiarity with many animals. She however, was quite gifted with something else. It never really occurred to me how gifted she really was until not so long ago. And even then, not until she stood right in front of me, confident and proud.

"Hello, Mr. Kirkland. It has been quite some time."

In all honesty, I stared in slight confusion before my head made the suitable connections. I really could not recognize her. She had changed too much. She had grown so much since I first saw her. She was tiny then... Well, she is still quite small, but what I meant was that she was the tiniest nation that I had ever seen. Smaller than even America when I first saw him. She was tiny and scared, but she had what I now know is intelligence. I never really noticed it as I had mentioned before as it was not something really visible.

As I see her now, I can't help but wonder how she did it. After all, it really did seem like only a few days ago that I granted her independence, what with being a nation with a very long lifespan as well as her colonial master.

She was able to read the atmosphere quite well and use acceptable words in the situation too. Polite, correct and intelligent. It's quite a wonder, really, the amount of smart she had in her...

"Mr. Kirkland, I do believe that what you cooked and are currently eating (and offering to me as well, might I add,) might not be that healthy for the body as it contains a large proportion of carbon which could lead to serious illnesses , for example cancer, liver failure, Etc. Etc. Etc..."

... But she really should put less of her smart around her mouth.

End preview!

For those who are thinking that she seems like a Mary-sue, I assure you that is not my intention. Singapore, as much as I love her, has plenty of faults which you would be able to see in the later chapters.(if there's enough response to motivate me to write faster.) . I will most probably continue with this as I have some problems with some of the other OC!Singapores out there and would like to input my own version of her.

Note, this is my own interpretation of Singapore and you are free to dislike it, however i will not tolerate flames. Suggestions, questions and free opinions are welcomed though ^^

review!


	2. from a cafe chair look at her

Hello everyone! Suboi airi here! :)

Here is another chapter but WARNING! This is a character explanation chapter. Basically it's saying that it will NOT be a fun fanfiction like chapter.

I have been told its a bit bland and not attention grabbing, but I strongly feel that this must be done. One of the things I do not like about hetalia OCs is that there is no explanation on why you give them the characteristics they have. They are supposed to represent the countries so how do they do that?

I do not want my character to be thought of as only having a pretty face with no substance to why she is like that, except for the usual 'I want my character to look appealing'. That's too shallow and sueish for me.

Thus, I have this chapter. It's rather long and, as I said, dry, but I need it here.

On a lighter note, the fun chapter will be next so please watch for it! :)

_Italics are for character explanations_

Normal is the character description

The format is character _explanation _then description, _explanation_ then description,

_Explanation _then description and the last two paragraphs are description then _explanation_.

The format and words are repetitive, but that's part of the character trait as well.

Now, to the bland, explanatory, necessary chapter~~! On with the exposition!

* * *

_If you looked out at the world from a particular cafe chair, you would be able to see a throng of people walking from one place to the next. A group of friends, a solo business person, a small part of a family walking together. Chatting amiably, taking photos of themselves, using their ever present phones. If you sat there looking for days in end, week after week, month after month, you would come to recognize some of them. _

_That one man, walking by at 9:17a.m. Using his usual brisk walk to get to work. That group of students in uniform would pass by between 6:32 to 6:55 in the evening, gossiping and discussing new movies. They all had very similar bags. All of them being molded to help their society. They have been taught of their country, to push it forward to the future. To know who they should support. Their parents and them themselves being shaped to handle her and no matter the challenges, learn, make note of it, and continue. Onwards, onwards, get to the goal. You would then begin to recognize this one girl. She was usually alone._

She was always walking at the side of the pavement. The right side of her. On rare occasions, she moved to the middle, neither left nor right. She would walk briskly like she was always in a slight hurry and had no time to stop around for anything except her destination. She might occasionally stumble on a stray pebble or twig, but she caught herself quickly and after a brief check on herself, continue as briskly as before.

_If you looked at the world from that particular cafe chair, you would be able to see all the surrounding buildings. Tall ones, small ones, stalls and stands. Sometimes it was a field, then a housing estate, then a shopping place. Selling candy and sweets, toys, stationary, glass trinkets, clothes and shoes. __If you sat there continuously for days on end, week later week, month after month, you would be able to witness a rapid change of the area around. _

_Grass lands stripped bare and clothed with cement, towering building reaching vigorously for the sky, trees growing in neat straight lines then everything is removed. A garden now appears with street lamps ensuring there will always be light. The cafe where you sit suddenly sells pastries along with simple sandwiches. But is it still a cafe if fast food is being served? Or if it suddenly sells computers?_

*She had light gray eyes today. It was not unexpected though. She had lime green eyes the last time. Her eye color always changed. Blue, brown, green, red, whatever you thought of, she probably had. On some special occasions, her eyes would have patterns. Stars, hearts and even smiley faces. Those were rare though. On other such occasions, she had brownish black eyes, framed by a pair of spectacles. What type did not really matter as she changed them often.

_If you looked at the world from that cafe chair, you would be able to see interesting changes from one part of the day to another. Morning, afternoon, evening and night. The people also start to change slightly. The face, the clothes, the style, the demeanor. If you sat there continuously for days on end, week after week, month after month, you would notice the routine changes that are similar, yet different each time. In the mornings rush to where you are supposed to be, but some times alone, other times with friends. Different objects being brought. A bag, a file, a case, a sling. Taking out a cell phone, "Wah! Newest model ah? Cool sia! Eh, den your ol one den how? Can gimme right?" to text a message. "whn u gg 2 scrp tt hp? Ancient aladi" _

_Then the afternoon brings a new set of people. The streets are more empty, but that family hasn't been here before. Evening means a change of clothes. Shall we go watch another movie? A new one is out! Shops are open, let's have fun! Show us who you are. Night comes but it's still so bright. Show us how you can be. Work? Its over, lets just have fun. Shops close, shops open. Who is that? You've never seen him before. Where are you now? You can no longer tell. The evening crowd is gone, the night crowd dances. Its their time slot allocated to them. Follow it, don't get out of line._

When did she turn herself into a blond? Today? You admit to yourself that you do not recognize that hair ornament. Was it new? Her hair was now layered and styled. Before that were curls and loops and once, you remembered, was in a pixie cut. Hair bands, rubber bands, clips. Odd, where did that one disappear to? Black, red, brown. Dyed or henna? Highlights and streaks, a contest of colors. All the bases were natural though, you admit. You wouldn't find pink or purple there at least. No matter what, it was never particularly jarring. One look and it was black tied back, and a second glance showed brown in plaits. Boundaries which caused much attention were never crossed.

_Looking at the world from that same chair, you would be able to observe the many people around. Busy individuals of many colors and backgrounds doing their own work and not really noticing each other and thus not taking offence when they do the same. Tolerance of being in their own respective roles. There was also nothing really said outside if offence is felt. If you continuously sat there, day after day, month after month, week after week, you would be able to see how each one melded together to become one big being. From one to another, actions, words, thoughts, they were all the same and they all fitted together to complete the puzzle. _

_You witness working together, some enjoying it, some don't, some are indifferent. You think they are different. Style, sense, color, pasts. They know they are different, but to what extent? How much do they know? Why then do they work together? Willingness? Force? Do they know, do they care? Do you know, do you care? How do they fuse together, become one? Some even more than others. All should have a part. It is such a small complex puzzle in the end._

Her skin was brownish. Light and white enough, but tanned brown and honeyed. Which side did she stand on more? The lighter. Her blackish brown, rather large eyes tilted at the corner, upwards. Her young and developing body was small and slim. Asian and young, she could not be past 13, reaching the 127 cm height one thing that was relatively odd about her was that she was neither here nor there. She did little to warrant a second glance. Her maturing body did not call to the eyes, her sense of style, while wide, were ordinary when put with the people there. Her hair, while surprising on a girl her age, had no real lasting impressions. She had no signature accessories. She either changed them, or got newer, better ones.

As you observe her, she turns to look at you and you are surprised at her eyes. Bright, smart and intelligent. She had a certainty that she would go far. She was proud of being who she was. She also held an arrogance that said that in one way or another, she was better than you. You could see excellence behind those eyes, a brain that could and would solve her problems in one way or another with ease and sensibility.

But with that surprise, you also feel some sadness. Her eyes where strangely dull. There was a slight frantic desperation to be somewhere fast. _Realizing that this was Singapore, you suddenly feel pity for this bright eyed child. This place has trained them to rise and rise quickly in a definitive way. There was no real place for anybody that was not ordinary._

But then again, she was never a really normal person. No nation really was. What really mattered was to try look at the good side of them.

You nod at her, and hesitantly she nods back with a slightly confused smile. It was no matter though, as you know that somehow, in some way, she will accept you to her society. All it takes is some time.

End chapter

* * *

And that's it everyone! The explanation chapter of the character. The next one would be more on Singapore's favorite topic and past time, food! It will be a lot less confusing, bland and un-entertaining so please watch out for it!

I apologize if this chapter puts you off, but as I said, I do feel it to be very necessary and will not take kindly to words that state this chapter was unnecessary. Also, please note that all of this is from my point of view so no flaming on that account please.

But first, I have been asked some questions so I'm putting up the explanations you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask coz I'm sure some people would not understand as well. :DD

* The whole concept of changing styles (both hair and eye color) was to show that we are always changing. The way the people act in the streets during the different times of the day and who is on the streets, to the changes of the physical land structures. One landmark you pick up today would have a high chance of disappearing in 15 years time and replaced with a totally new one. Some hardly make it through 10 years!

I put in there the stars and smileys eye contacts because there really was a trend once and that it also coincidentally could be placed in how Singapore always tries to be different, unique and stand out. But she never really holds on to these things and keeps on moving on, so these contacts are really rare. Take for example, Singapore created the first ever night safari. Then she moves on to something else. It's like a cycle of create, shine, move on to something else.

So I imagine her to put on these contacts for maybe one day or two, and then put them away and move on to another color. As Singapore does have the new ideas and implement them practically all the time, she would have the different contact for the different occasions. Contacts that are different from the rest.

Hope you had enjoyed it! Please continue to support me!


	3. I like Variety so what?

Hello everybody! Yes, this is the fun chapter that I had promised you for that dry boring previous chapter, hope you like it!

This chapter is showing Singapore and her love for Food!

Start!

"With this, I officially announce this meeting over." the clear voice of Mr UN said. Immediately all the nations relaxed themselves and started to stretch and chatter. Singapore hurried to finish her notes on the meeting. She had copied down everything and was certain that no point went unrecorded throughout. Her notes were always reliable.

She was randomly chosen to be the Secretariat of this particular meeting and she took great pride in it. She wondered about the attendance though. It was relatively unusual for France to suddenly skip out on meetings. Especially when she knew that she had messaged everyone a reminder about the meeting today and made sure everything would go smoothly.

She supposed that she would have to call him up and request a Medical Certificate for certified leave from this meeting. If he was sick, it would be best to cure his sickness right away after all. No use waiting, go straight to the doctor so that nobody would get infected by whatever germs you were containing..

It would be awful if he reported that his reason for absence was due to l'amour. Horrible! Practically unforgivable! One should only shirk their duties when they have no other choice! Like if they were going to die due to a very potent sickness! Not just a common headache either! Forgetting would be worse though. He did get a reminder..

While feeling slightly disappointed at what might have happened, she supposed it was not too bad. He did have a delegate to replace him and take all the notes and present his points. The meeting did go relatively smoothly so that was a blessing..

She would still require an MC though. A proper one stamped and signed from a certified and capable doctor. With the correct dates printed on the slip and a reasonable excuse. not some lousy lazy lame letter. Seriously.

" Hey! Singapore!" she heard America shout. She looked up, slightly annoyed at being interrupted from her work and internal monologue. However, this was America, and she put on a smile. She already filed everything, all that was left was to pack up whatever she had left out of her bag.

"Yes America? Did you wish to inquire something about the meeting?" she answered smoothly. She already knew the answer. His reply would be rather obvious.

"Nah," he waved dismissively.(_Yes!_ went Singapore in her head) "Me Canada and England were wondering if you were free now. We're gonna go out and go eat at this awesome buffet and you're gonna be there right? Great! Let's go, I'm starving!" he prattled and grabbed her and her stuff, dragging her to where England and Canada were standing.

"America, wait! You're all going to go eat right? It sounds great but I have a lot of work to catch up on and I can't go with you today" she said as she wriggled out of his grip and swiped her bag back. Really, you can just dump everything into the bag. you need to arrange it properly or it'll look so bulky..

She really could go. All her work has been finished and she was free. She just knew that when they went out to eat, the always ate so expensively and with stuff that did'nt really suit her tastes. Too greasy, too bland, too littl- oh wait, that was french cuisine and France was not there.. and what was there in Canada to eat except pancakes, poutine and Tim Hortons? (A/N: was this right? I know very little about Canada and their food..)

"Perhaps you could ask someone else?" Singapore looked around and then realised that virtually everyone ha already left besides a few stragglers and them.

"Well, it was supposed to be France that comes with us but he is'nt here, and honestly, we already paid for the food. We just need someone to fill in the last space." England explained, trying to coax her to come. He knew about her and her budget. He also knew that she would always leave some time free after meetings to relax so she had nothing to do now.

_Well,_ Singapore thought, _food and free equals I'm there!_ She quickly accepted the offer, packed her bad properly and left with them. she just hoped the food would be nice.

(scene change!)

Canada stared. England stared. Neither would expect this out of the tiny nation. Even America would have stared had he not been so engrossed with his burgers. It was not about the way she ate, no her manners while not exemplary, were polite and proper enough. No, it was about the amount and the _variety_.

She had all the different types of food from her plate from Western to Middle eastern to South East Asian. Of course, when eating that many types of food, one must have a big appetite, but they couldn't understand how she could eat some of those foods.

She could not rival America on amount (nobody could) but she certainly wasn't picky about what type of food was on her plate. So long as it was cooked properly.

It was not long after that she looked up at the two gaping nations with an inquiring look.

"A-are you sure you wouldn't have a stomach ache after eating that much chili?" England managed to choke out.

"Or that much oysters..?" Included Canada.

"Well, since I'm here, I must try and taste everything. It would be a waste to leave food untasted!" She answered happily, surrounded by food.

Dessert was seven different types of ice cream and all the different types of cakes offered.

(scene change!)

"Ah! That was soo good! I thought I was going to die during that meeting! Really, six hours and only one break? Do they want us to die of starvation? How could they be so cruel to not let us have a break and at least a snack after at least one and a half hours?" Singapore complained happily. She was full and content. She could afford to complain for fun.

They had just got out of the buffet and were walking along the streets. A good healthy stroll after a good hearty meal. For health. Coz its wealth. And everyone wants to be rich, right?

"Oh, look! A park! Let's go there and walk!" She pointed excitedly. What? When she was full, she was happy. When she was happy, she acted he human age. 13. What? she was young! barely 40 in actual Nation age! Shut it, she can be a child! It was allowed!

They decided to humor her excitable request (America's Veto was ineffective, much to Singapore's delight) and started to head there when she stopped them. Standing in fron of them, she said in a very serious voice.

"We need to get our necessary supplies first" and rushed to a pastry store to get some snacks. She emerged with three in a bag and one in her hand, but instead of walking back, she went to the bubble tea shop to get herself a big cup of Oreo ice blended. Once done, she walked back to the group and stood like a small wannabe soldier equipped with all the weapons needed to survive.

"OK. Ready! Let's go!"

England replied with " Are you trying to tell us something? Like how we should get a place to sit somewhere in the park?"

Singapore eyed him weirdly. "No lah, I can walk perfectly fine. I can use my legs and my jaws at the same time, what. Unless you feel tired and wan rest ah.." She grinned cheekily at him causing him to go red with indignation and stutter his reply. The others were snickering with her at his reaction. Well, Canada was. America was full out laughing.

(scene change!)

At the next meeting, America managed to convince everyone (using his annoying whining attack) to allow food to be brought eaten to the 'boring-as-hell-you-guys-wont-even-agree-on-my-awesome-superhero-robot-idea' meeting. Singapore was not at all against the idea. It would mean that she could eat openly instead of sneaking the food in and eating secretly.. But it wasn't like she did it all the time! Only when she was sleepy! It helped her keep awake! It was necessary for her notes that she was awake! Really!

...Moving on, she was therefore understandably pleased that they were finally allowed to eat during the meeting. After the first 20 minutes, she took out a box of Pocky and nibbled on that. Then a box of sweets. Then a lolipop. Then some jelly. And some Jellybeans. The chocolate cookies were shared around though.

Pastries, currypuffs, spingrolls, nuggets, sausage rolls, fishballs, banana fritters and so much more.

During the break, she went with Italy to get some macaroni and pasta. And stock up on her food supply. She was only left with the sweets in her sugar bag and her bag of 'fried stuff' was running low as well. She finished her meal with dessert and bubble tea. Koi was delicious at this weather.

25 minutes after the break, she took out her bag of fruits. She ate the oranges first. Then the bananas. Then the lychees. And the longans. The jackfruit was shared though. Some nations complained about the rubbery feeling t left on their fingers, but she shrugged it off. It wasn't her fault they didn't know the trick of not making their fingers sticky.

Papayas, apples, guavas, watermelon, pears, rabutans, grapes, and so many more fruits.. It was Indonesia that shared with her the durian though. She loved it.

She was cheerily finishing a young coconut when the next break was called. she went out to eat some kebabs with Turkey and Egypt.

The cycle continued throughout the meeting. It was quite amazing. Though she wasn't eating proper meals, it was true that no matter what, she never really stopped eating.

This time, Singapore left marginally earlier from the meeting.

She did not notice, left in her own world and more internal monologues, but she left the same time as Japan. He did though. And he was slightly concerned at the very serious expression she was having in her young face. What could be troubling her to such an extent?

It took some time, but Japan managed to formulate a sentence he deemed appropriate to be said. Something as important as that must be treaded carefully around.

"Ano, Sigaporu-kun, is something the matter? You seem rather tense."

"eh?" Singapore snapped out of her thoughts."Oh, er Japan. No, nothing is wrong. I was just wondering..." she trailed off and the look resumed.

Japan was rather worried. What was she wondering about? Something during the meeting? He himself thought the meeting went rather usually. Did he miss something? It was rather unlikely.. Perhaps it was something domestic..?

"Ah.. what were you wondering about?"

Singapore snapped her eyes to him suddenly. The seriousness in her face relatively intimidating. "Japan!" She half shouted at the now, worries, concerned and confused nation.

"What do you think I should have for dinner?"

Japan blinked.

"Malay? Chinese? Indian? Western? Korean dished have been integrated with many shops in my home and the Middle Eastern shops always are a nice choice..."

The ended up eating sushi together.

Japan was a very good cook.

END

Thank you for your suport! did you all like this cahpter? Tell me about it! Review!


	4. Guests and mind ramblings

Hello everybody! Suboi Airi here once again! After a long wait, I present to you my new chapter!

The points that I am saying here are basically Singapore, her need to be presentable to the world, how she may not like it herself, some thoughts on herself, her young-ness, some _kiasu_ culture, the societies culture, her and her past, and finally,her and the standards of the world.

Kudos for those that can find all the hints of the themes! I shall give you Internet cookies!

(Let's start!)

"Fried rice paradise! Nasi Lemak very nice.." Singapore sang softly to herself as she wondered around her small flat. Her HDB apartment. There were guests coming over and there was a lot to prepare. She needed to make herself always presentable and welcoming o her guest countries and there was a lot to change.

First, make the room look bigger. All the other nations (minus Hong Kong) always complained that her house was too small, tiny and cramped. She didn't think so, of course, but that did not really matter. Besides, what could she do? It's not like she could help it. Her living space was small just like her land was small .Her people loved in 'stacked up boxes' so some say but so what? That's what they say and people always love to complain so it would be relatively expected. She couldn't please everybody and if she wanted to stay alive, she honestly needed the people. If you can't spread, stack.

Besides, even she herself was small and tiny. Nearing 130cm tall and 13-ish years old in human standards... Oh all right, 127cm and really only 12 and a half. She couldn't help it if she was young. Even in nation years, she was young, only 46 years old. Some of her people were older than her! Actually, a lot of her people were older than her. What with her aging population, but she wouldn't go into that particular problem. Apparently, America also called her "slimmer than a size zero model". But that's only because he doesn't realize the difference in sizes between the two countries...

Secondly, she needed to make her apartment more 'alive'... whatever that meant. More colours? More flowers? Roll out the carpet? It was time to bring out the useless cluttering trinkets she stored up in cases of this. Add more stuff.. for the sake of adding more stuff, she guessed. Just to make the room look 'full', or more cluttered in her own personal belief.

But honestly, why? Why do they like those stuff? It only fills up the room that they complain is already too small. She could never understand these other countries. Why do they like to see stuffed rooms? Or perhaps she was simply being too pragmatic. Definitely not! She just did not see the need to have such useless things around when the space could be used for much better purposes.

Third, refill the fridge and get ready to serve something. Drinks, snacks and a whole meal to offer. Drinks would be either bought from the store, ready to be served, of syrup water like rose or orange squash or even punch. She could also make bandung. Or even tea. Depending on who visits she supposed. Snacks would be _keropok ikan _or sweets and cakes. Or something of the like anyway. The most important was the meal. The real challenge.

Should the meal be cooked right there and then? Or precooked and reheated? She didn't know how many were coming and she didn't want to waste food so precooked was out of the question. But at the same time, if she cooked there and then, who would entertain the guests? She really disliked being in such situations where she had no full information and thus unable to make the best decisions. Even if she did always have a back-up plan just in case something goes wrong, it was still annoying.

A full meal consisted of rice, some greens, and meat... Maybe fish... Talking about fish, she needed to feed her cat. Her dear little _longkang_ cat that she adored. It was definitely a mixed breed. The cat could be rather vicious at times, but that was no problem for a nation. Singapore healed instantly. The problem was what to feed it. Just like Singapore, the cat loved variety in her food. Cat biscuits, fish or chicken? Friskies of Science Diet? She wondered if her cat would take to dog food...

Back to the current list is four, remember to open the door. Even before they arrived the door must be open. She understood the fact that open doors were welcoming, but it seems like they expected her to open her house doors _all the time_. What the heck? Why would that ever happen? Sure her economy is always open but to have them want her own house door always open was just a bit too much..

It's like they never heard the term 'personal space'. Besides, what if someone looks inside and like what they see? What if they somehow assume her too be rich and try to break in? Better to be safe than sorry. She did wanted to be careful. It would be very weird to have her door open when everybody else on the same floor had theirs closed. A 'rob me!' beacon. These people are just so weired.. and silly. Haven't they ever wondered why crime rated here can stay so low? Besides the point of her wonderful police force and legislation that is.

Whatever it was, she hoped that all the nations that would be coming would act at least relatively sane. No grinning insanely, no personal questions, no blabbering, and no, absolutely no complaining about the atmosphere of the place, the people, or anything like that! She had a sense of national pride after all.

Then again, normal isn't something found easily in a nation. America's obsession with fast food, Canada's invisibility, China's love for cute things, France's willingness to.. er.. she'd rather not say. They really were not normal were they...? But if that was the case, how was Singapore herself? Was she odd? Was she crazy? Were there any glimpses of .. not-normalness?

"Sia la! How can? I very normal okay! Dey the ones that wierd kan? Not me!"

Shaking her head, she headed to the fridge.

"Alamak! No more eggs! Wah lau eh..." she whined. "Next time must buy three packs. Aiyoh, must oso check got enough rice or not."

Seeing only enough to feed her and her 'maid'/'guardian' she immediately took note to get her to buy another 10kg sack. Plus, she noticed that there was only one bag of onions left. That would not do. She needed to buy another four bags of unpeeled onions. And chili. You could not forget the _chili padi_. She smirked when she remembered the time when America tried to be heroic and eat three of that tiny chili.

That moment would be forever cherished. A perfect Kodak moment. Which she managed to capture and frame up to be displayed whenever he came over. It was not everyday you get to see the blond turn as red as that and practically have steam billowing out of his ears. It was mean but she was very entertained by that moment.

The ringing of her phone snapped her out of her thoughts. Picking it up, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Ah, girl ah. The house ok? I'm at the store now. Need me pick up anything?"

It was the person Singapore lived with. She was too young to be able to live alone and this person was her caretaker for quite some time now. Her current 'guardian/maid'. Once again, it was no surprise. She was just too young. She was too small and young to live alone. She event went to the usual education system. Does anybody know how horrible it was? To learn the same thing year after boring year at classes? Even when she could go much further. She already secretly has her own university certificate! She took all the courses at home of course. I would be plain weird to have some young girl coming in and out of the compound listening to the lessons. Imagine the stares!

So yes, she was young. A baby nation. Comparing to how England and China call America a kid... She probably wasn't even born yet. And it would be a long time until she was even fertilized... Wait, could nations be fertilized? How was the genetics of nations anyway? Why was she thinking of this anyway? Wasn't she on the phone?

"So, girl, you need anything?"

"Eggs, rice, onions, _keropok_, fish, cat biscuits, cheese..." the list went on.

So what if there was still more? Better to stock up just in case you ever needed it. Just like how you should always bring an umbrella outside. Just in case it rains. Who knows if it would suddenly spring up on you. The weather report has been wrong before..

"So? Can-a-not?"

"Can ah, but why so much?"

"Eh? Kan aku dah cakap? Ade orang datang lah.." (haven't I said already? People are coming over)

Singapore felt a sudden sense of surprise. She just reverted back to Malay. She only ever did that around her more immediate... Family... Other than that, she did not use Malay as much. Mostly English and Chinese. Not since.. not since many had forgotten that she used to be originally Malay. Not one of the Four Tigers, but a member of the Malay Peninsular.

Did anyone remember the Nusantara anymore? No.. It was just a myth and a legend.

"Oh, yah. Lupe lah. Den how? I drop the stuff off and leave? Or you wan me stay with you?" The speaker cracked, bringing the Nation out of her thoughts.

Oh well, that was the past. No point in trying to think of it now. Old memories were just that. Old memories. Kept as a small reminder, but to too heavily focused on. Besides, there was not much to connect herself to the past anymore.

Nusantara? A ledgend. Kampong village? Scrapped away and replaced with skyscrapers. The Singapore stone? Blown to pieces. Swamps and animals? Cleared away. Colony of the British? He left anyway. National icons? Too old, got knocked down.

Move on and move forward. That was the only thing she could really do now anyway. She never even really had much of a past.. Except maybe the Armenian Church... But that didn't stand out at all.

The rest of the call was a blur. "yes, can, better not, ok" Once the receiver was put down she got to work. It was a complete chore, yes, but it was considered a polite necessity. At least she had her maid/guardian to help her. The she left to return at night when all the nations were gone and Singapore was left alone to entertain her guests.

The house was now changed. Changed to meet standards. The door was opened, the colours were more lively and the room looked bigger.

To meet standards not even her own. She was used to it. Her people was used to it. Her country was used to it.

Opening her doors to other countries was something she needed to do. Whether she like it or not. She had no means to survive alone. She rather envied Russia, America, anyone else. At least they had a choice. It was always there. For her? No. She was always swept up by the happenings of others. Even when she was helping, she was never sure that she really mattered as much to her allies and friends to be sure of their real protection. That was why she always needed to try and be independent.

This was why she always tried to make friends. Why she constantly invited people here. Perhaps that was why she could never really say no to other nations. Why she could only follow along. Why she always vied for attention.

Because without that, she wouldn't really matter would she? She had no real importance, no real role. In that case, nobody would know her, and nobody would care. It would be as if..

She didn't even exist.

Ridding herself of those deperssing thoughts, she plastered a smile on her face. A wonderful and welcoming smile on a cheerful face. Her guests were coming closer and she could almost hear them. She needed to fill herself with energy and cheer. Full of life and excitement. They were already at the lifts. She needed a put forth a good and welcoming atmosphere.

"I think it's down here.."

It was time once again..

"It is from this block right?"

Time to please and be appealing..

"And turn right.."

Time to pretend.

"That should be the door!"

Time to act the part.

"Hey everybody! Welcome in! So glad to see you.."

But then again, when ever was it not the time?

(end chapter!)

Well how was it? I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter is a slighly darker one, focusing on Singapore and her fears.


	5. Light and Shadows and Hope

Har-lo everybody! It's Suboi Airi here~~!

I know it's been such a long time since I have written anything, but in my defence, it's A level year.. yeesh... I'm supposed to be studying now but... I dont want to! My grades isn't all hat great either but.. oh well. I think I can do okay for at least two of my H2 subjects... GP is irritating.. Econs even more so..

But enough about my horrible grades, lets move on to what you really came here for. The theme for today is fear and insecurities. I think you all know what that means... the three emo topics would be the end of the Nusantara era, (my head cannon says that family is family and that was when family was at the peak of her little life.. So what if some believes it to be a legend?), the second World War, and finally, the racial riots that happened post Independence.

Stuff-current

_stuff-_ thoughts

Stuff- memories

**Stuff**- dark thoughts

* * *

Now then, On to the story! Start!

Singapore was always bright. Not bright as in cheerful, but bright as in there was always a point of light around there somewhere. The blocks, the parks, the roads and the pavements, all of them would be lighted and at least one stays bright all throughout the night. Always, somewhere there would be a light on.

This was especially true for the personified nation. There was always a light around her. The light must always be near. She had readily accessible torches in every room of her house and at the very least, she made sure that there was at least candle light. In her case, it was not really a matter of choice. It was a matter of keeping her own sanity.

* * *

Singapore was in a relatively amiable had a good dinner with the person she lived with, they had a small conversation that was interesting enough, the house was finally back to normal (no thanks to America and friends) and all was normal in the household. Even all her chores were completed and she had nothing pressing to do left. That itself was quite a rare occurrence. Nation work and school work put together pile up!

She was now reading a book that she had borrowed from the library while munching on another packet of Oreos. She lost count on the amount that she had eaten and only knew that she ate quite a lot. What? They taste nice! especially with the milk! Magnolia milk to be specific. But Merigold was good too..

Anyway, back to the plot, she was concentrating so much on her book, that she failed to notice the quick flashes outside. After all, there was no rain to warn her of the approaching storm, and the flashes could not be told apart from the house light. Even if there was rain ,she had her ears plugged snugly with hear earphones and was listening to her music. She did not hear the increasing volume of thunder.

The lightning darted out, trying to reach the Earth. It did not care for much else except the pull and the tug of the ground. Despite all its efforts, it was pulled away. It was pulled towards the lightning rod of a particular building that housed one unsuspecting personified nation.

She cried out in shock. Black out. All the lights were gone. Disappeared. She stumbled around to try and reach for her flashlight but her trembling hand flew over it and accidentally knocked it down. With half a cry of terror, she fell to her hands and knees, trying frantically to search for her flashlight.

_Too far! She needed another light source!_

The store room! It was connected to another back up electrical source! The lights was sure to be working there. Blind and panicked, the tiny nation tried to rush to here she remembered the room to be, but her shock and fear made her fumble around. She rammed into objects and stumbled on the carpet, but she continued to rush and scramble to where she thought was safe. Her searching hand knocked things over and she dimly heard the tinkling of glass breaking but she did not stop her frantic movements nor did she slow down her speed.

_Light! Light! Light! Where was it? Where was the light? Where?_

Her feet tripped over something and she was sent sprawling on the floor, a disgraceful, trembling heap. Sobs welled up in her body and threatened to escape at any moment. Still, she tried to feel her way around. Where was she? Where was the safety? Where was the light?

_Please! Please! I need the light! Its dark now. Please... There are shadows around me._

Lightning flashed once more. Some may have said that the gods took pity on her and granted her the light, but she could not think so. All she could think of was that after that moment of respite, the long black lines would appear and surround her. She could no longer take comfort in that split second flash. All she saw was the dancing, mocking tortured shadows of the past. Surrounding her. Coming closer to her. Everywhere.

A shattering oil lamp. People were being mercilessly beaten by others that took no heed of their cries. Fair skin. Dark skin. It did not matter. All that mattered was the red of fire. The red of blood.

_Blood! Blood, blood. It was everywhere!_ It covered everyone indiscriminately. Fair. Dark. Muslim. Christians. Buddhists. Asian. Caucasian. Chinese. Malay. Indian. European. Everyone. It did not choose. _"Don't go out! You look too much like anybody!" _The colours mixed together. Skin. Limbs, Blood. Everyone melded into one big . Race. Discrimination, Religion. Rights. Wages. Life.

_It was just so dark...__She needed to see, but somebody covered her eyes. " A child shouldn't be here. Turn around. Run! They might catch you!" She closed her eyes, but she could still hear. Screams, cries, fear, hatred. She turned around and ran. She ran and ran and did not stop._

_No! Nononono, no! It was not happening! It was all in her mind! They were all at peace now! Race no longer mattered! _**Yes. Yeas it does. It does and you know it. **Singapore managed to stop herself from screaming out. **You know it. You can feel it. It's still there. It may, might, will happen! **

Another flash of light made her open her eyes again. This time, she could not stop herself from giving out a cry of fear.

A man stood before her. Clothed in black, he held a traditional katana in his hand. A red oni mask adorned his face..

Fear! Fear, screaming, dieing. Cries of the lost, scred and terrified echoed around. "_Mama! Mama! Papa! Where are you?" "Please don't hurt my children!" "Spare us, please!" "They breached the fort!" "It hurts.. Someone, please help me.." "Hold it down! Hold it down!" "We must protect!" "It's impossible! Their forces are stronger!" "Stop! Stop!" "Don't come any closer!"_

Blood. Anguish. Death. _Help me, it hurts.. England? England! Help me please help me it hurts!_

This time, she was shown the back of a man. Short, choppy, blond hair, He was walking away from her._ No, no, please don't go. Please don't give up on me. Please don't leave... _The man in the mask came closer to her. Sword unsheathed, ready and prepared. Hurt. Pain. Blood. _No-_

Lightning flashed once again. The man was gone. But in his place was another one. He was richly dressed, in gold cloth and accessories. But despite his wealth, there was blood running out of his mouth. He turned around, similar to how England had, and left completely.

_N-Nusantara? Where? Where are you going? Father? Where did you go, why did you leave us? Why did you leave me? Have I been bad? Please don't go, I'll be good! Please! Don't leave us out here in the dark..._

_Don't go... I cant even remember you anymore... My father..._

Soon, the shadows merged to become one massive monster. Surrounding her. Taunting her. Mocking her. **You failure. You failed in keeping you most precious father. You failed in keeping the one that came after. You failed in protecting yourself. You failed in making peace. You failed, failed, failed. Weak! Small! Failure! **

It warped around her, became a moving picture, a collage of all her past memories. All her nightmares. Her people, her body her mind. _It hurts!_ Everywhere she looked, the shadows displayed her horrors proudly, mockingly, maliciously. _No more, no more, no more!_

She screamed. She screamed out for all that she could. She couldn't breath properly and she couldn't care less. All she wanted was for it all to stop. For someone to tell her it's not real.

"Aiyoh! Girl, ah? Why you scream like that?" A voice broke into her thoughts.

"Black out, ah? Aiyoh! Where the flash light?" A bright light pierced through the darness. The shadows ran from it's path, hissing and spitting.

"Wah! What happen to the room! So messy!" The voice came again. This time, she could at least understand her. She was calming down.

"Girl, you okay anot?" She wanted to answer, but her tongue refused to cooperate. All she could say were random garbles better suited for a baby. She hated it. It made her feel weak and stupid. But still..

At least she wasn't choking any longer. The light calmed her down. She was able to think straighter now. She wasn't as frightened. As her heart rate slowly became normal, she could hear the knocking and calls from outside. The neighbours. With the help of her guardian,, she pushed herself up on shaking legs and headed towards the door.

Opening it, she was bathed in the light of the hallways. Seems like the light was back on. The sight of her neighbours crowding around the door with worried faces made her smile.

"You okay anot?"

"I just now hear a scream"

"What happened?"

Her neighbours, her citizens, all of them from all different races. Yes, that time has racial riots and all the other riots were over. We were all safe now. She ignored the niggling voice in the back of her head and focused on the present. Safe.

"Nothing lah. Just the blackout. Kena shocked, so scary! Sorry ah, pai seh pai seh..."

She need not worry. The past was the past. Only the future mattered now.

*ring ring*

Excusing herself, She went to get the phone.

"Sigaporu-san, ka? This is Japan." From the phone, she could hear that distinct English accent speaking in the background.

"Are you calling Singapore then? Alright, I'll phone Malaysia.."

Japan and England. The two most prominent figures on her land during the world war. Australia too, but he wasn't there. Wait what were those two doing together? Hmm...

"Ah.. We were calling to ask you how the situation in South East Asia is like and if everything is well. We have already called a number of nations and we would like to hear your input."

Starnge that they would be the ones asking. Well, she supposed it would be for the nest meeting, but it was still strange that they be put to the task of asking the ASEAN nations after the past. She didnt mind though. Her siblings on the other hand..

Her siblings.. Her brothers and sisters. All from the same father that has gone away. Even if he was gone, it seems that they were doing fine. Perhaps that was why he decided to leave then. We could take care of yourselves. They have all grown to become heir own respective countries, proud of themselves and their people and land. They all had some troubles with themselves or with each other but on the whole..

"Everyone is dong fine. As expected. We're all doing good, well and fine."

_For ourselves, for our people, for our future._

Walking to the window, Singapore looked out. She could see her country, herself. She could hear the talking of the neighbours outside with her guardian. She could see the lights of the streets, the houses, the corridors.

She could see Singapore leaving the dark past and running to the future. Running to the bright light. She was no longer in the dark. She was no longer trapped by the shadows.

She heard Japan reply to her words. "Ah.. That is good."

She agreed, nodding her head absently in assent. Good, huh.. Yes. It really was.

Outside, even through the dark of the night, Singapore was alive with light.

Singapore smiled.

End Chapter!

Yes, I managed to do this in the space right after my prelims! So yeah.. Next A'levels.. I wont be updating until then. Wish me luck people!

Thanks for reading!


	6. March 3rd 2011

Okay this is really late but dont worry, I'll make up with another one chapter right after.

I wrote this a very long time ago, as you can probably tell, but I was too busy procrastinating, so now I'm going to get my butt off the bed and type for all you lovely people. ^^ Thank you so much for supporting me ^^

Written for the Japan Tsunami.

* * *

11/03/2011

That was a date that would be remembered well in Japan. It was the day that Japan was bested by nature, despite all efforts and preparations. Strong and sturdy Japan who was always ready for such a disaster.. but not to one of that extent. 9.0 Earthquake on the Richter scale.. a devastating tsunami.

On that day, Singapore was shocked. She would never have expected such a thing to happen. Not to Japan. Not to such a strong and prepared country. Not at all. It scared her. It scared her so very much. There was never too much preparation. Anything could go wrong. As both a person and a country, she knew that out of the whole world, Japan was probably the most prepared in the case of such a disaster strike. So for this to happen.. Singapore was very scared.

Japan was also a person and a country she looked up to. She still had fears and scars from.. previous encounters with him on bad circumstances.. but it was mostly the older generation that looked to him in fear. A fear that she still felt. But at the same time, the newer generation.. many of them like Japan. Looked up to him. Japan was a nice person. She was in conflicting emotions about Japan, but she always liked to think that the better one won out. She was on good terms with him politically after all. Yes.. she looked up to Japan. Thus for this to happen, she was also very worried.

It reminded her of the tsunami that had struck her neighbors not that many years ago. The horrible effects and the cries of pain form them. Singapore felt so lucky that she was where she was. A small piece of land that was guarded and shielded by her brothers and sisters. She had only experiences bad weather and tremors.. The rest were brunt out by the others.. She remained safe.

Tsunami.. Tsu.. Nami.. A Japanese word. The big wave. They had named that thing. That disaster of Mother Nature.

Still, she felt the attitude of Japan and his people. She felt it, and she was awed. They were resilient. They were strong. They were tough. They were working together. They were admirable in every way. She thought of her people. She thought of herself. Would her people be like that if ever a disaster struck? Would she be able to carry on with as much strength and dignity as he did? No.. They wouldn't be calm, and she would be in hysterics. They may not even find the energy to stand up again. Singapore would no longer exist. That thought sent chills down her spine. Not exist. Disappear. Never there. Would her disappearance even have an impact on the word? No.. not really.. She did not posses the power or influence to change much. She did not control such a land of resources that her disappearance would affect trade. No.. She only had things that could easily be replaced.

Things that would make her disappearance be more trouble some for the world instead of if she was just left alone and thrived. That was her point of deterrence.. but Mother Nature would not care that her disappearance would cause some slight trouble in the world.. She had no defense about it.. She hated being so defenceless... but what could she do..?

If such a thing happened to Singapore.. she would be t the bottom of the ocean having tea with would not be able to move or run away. She would not be able to defend herself. She may not even have the ability to hope. To walk around even if it was staggeringly and to even_ move_ was far beyond her meager capabilities.

But Japan stood. She saw Japan rise from his lying position. She saw Japan hurl himself up. She saw Japan walk.

Singapore knew the feeling she had when she saw that. It was one of pure respect. A deep rooted and very grounded respect bloomed insider her of that Nation. The feeling of awe. The feeling of watching a miracle. She had admiration for that centuries old nation, as a child would for an adult that had done something they would never have dreamed possible. Something that she knew she would not be able to do.

Still, she was shocked and scared. _It was possible for him but I am not sure about me.._She was still dazed from the suddenness. It was too unexpected. Too incomprehensible. Though she was not there, nor was she affected by it., she looked at the images as if they were a dream. That it was not real. That such things did not came without warning. It couldn't be real could it? But the news and pictures say otherwise..

A dream of her friend being injured so badly, but still having enough strength to stand.

Yes.. Japan could be considered a friend. Some things happened in the past **Black, Red a Demon Mask** but that was in the past. It would not stop her from reaching out. This was too big a scale to not be reaching out. Besides, they had already patched up many things so far **Enough?** _Yes enough._ She wanted to do something to help out. Something to ease his pain. Still, Singapore was a small country. Small and tiny. What could she do?

Whatever she contributed would probably make no difference. But.. she supposed it would help, even if just a little big. That should be enough right? The collection tins were distributed filled and collected together. Even the government spared a sum of money for the cause. It was proper for them to do so anyway, but at least it was there. a million. It would not do much in the whole big picture, but in the smaller one.. it should help right? Well, that would have to do for now on such a short notice. Her citizens, while usually apathetic, would also help out when they see the cause. She was sure of that. In the mean time, what was collected must be sent immediately. She had already sent Japan an offer of her assistance should he wish to take it.

She herself could not go to hi like other nations are doing, England and America, she was sure. She was too young to go and even if she went, what could she do? Nothing. They would not allow her to do anything. But she knew that Japan would not be alone, and that made her slightly , she did the only this she could do. Send her help from afar. end money, doctors, health equipment, water and food. Clothes and other donations as well. She tried to send what she could. Later she would send motivational messages to him. The she would give him her support in rebuilding. If not physically then morally at least.

She couldn't do much, her numbers of equipment and help were small. They may ot help Japan directly, but indirectly it would. She would help small doses of his citizens and land and that would help him overall. She would do what she could.

When what she could send were sent off and what she could do was done, Singapore continues to watch the news and keep tabs of what was happening to him. She continued to witness the strength of Japan. Their calm. Their hard work. Their ability to push on. The people who searched for food. The people who scoured for any survivors. The people who lent each other their assistance. The people who would risk their lives. Even when their reactors exploded and there was unhappiness with the government, they still stood strong and proud.

This was Japan. This was the people. This was their strength.

Singapore continues to try to help Japan. She folded a crane for a wish. She wrote a card for morale. She made a prayer for the best. Singapore was small, but she did what she could. She was sure that all the other countries would do the same as well.

_All the best Japan. We are all supporting you._

* * *

Super late as I had said before, but I wanted this to be done.

For better news, there have been reports saying that Japan is really doing better than originally expected! Whoot Japan~~ We love you~~

Suboi Airi


	7. Dancing Storms

WAHHHHHH I LOST MY BOOK! :CCCCCC now I have to retype all my chapters from scratch. I had five chapters… And I know it's not going to be the same… Haiz…

Ah well, Singapore and Nature is today's theme ^^ Nature lovers, let's hear you cheer~! There's a lot of nature work being done in Singapore, what of Check Jawa, (Whoot~ you go people~! Preserve that precious land and don't let our Gahmen take it from us~!) and the whole city in a garden thing ^^

But of course, it wont be Singapore without something getting lost in return. I heard about lakeside going to be renovated? I'm not sure, but what of our Chinese and Japanese gardens..? :C I haven't had my picnic party there yet!

But enough of my blather. Let's get on with the story~

(start)

It was in the car, going from Woodlands to Tampines that she started to get lost in the past again. It was going to rain heavily. Very, very heavily. There would be thunder and lightning to boot. It would be a heavy storm, even for typical monsoon standards, and that was when she really noticed it. That was when she started to get lost in her memories of the past.

* * *

She was a tiny island. Not modernized at all. Still close to her siblings and without much of a care in the word. From her little Kampong house, she could always tell when it was going to rain. Then it was always a source of joy for her. The refreshing feeling of rain. But it was more then just coolness and respite from the hot sun. It was a celebration. It was a game. It was a dance.

As the land grew dark, shadowed by the clouds, she could hear the air hold its breath in anticipation. She could feel the silence of excitement of the trees. She could see the impatience of the animals. She could tell the water was already jittery with the feeling. The dance. The carnival. It was coming. She knew it. And she loved it.

As the first drops of rain started to fall, she would dash outside with the sand beneath her feet until she was in her jungles and she would wait for all the performers. Soon enough, the dancers came. The rain swirled with its partner of wind in a beautiful waltz, both so beautiful, ever step perfectly choreographed. They laughed and chattered as the clapped the ground and called for the rest of the party in howls of delight. And the rest of the party came. The booming drums of the thunder brought the rhythm and the lightning brought forth the flare. It was a full ritual with all the members in place. The music, the dancing, the delight.

They called her to join, the laughing winds, and join she did. She twirled with the wind and clapped with the rain. She sang with the thunder and glowed with the flash. Not the star, but one of them. A full part of the merry dance of nature. The trees danced along with them, in their own swaying samba and the earth welcomed the rain with a good joy, reaching and calling for it. The lightning reached out to wave hello, and she waved twirled and greeted back.

She leaped with the time, she sashayed to the feel, she let the carnival move her body to suit the dance. She welcomed them with open arms as they did with her, cheering and calling her name, joining her and moving together.

Time never went by so fast as it did with the dance. By the time she started, she was also done, the carnival moving along to its next destination and it's next stage. She waved good bye and called them to come again soon, and they waved back with the promise of next time. The thrill and exhilaration of the dance was still inside of her as she raced back to her Kampong to her people, who welcomed back the cheeky girl with warmth and love. She couldn't wait to dance with nature again.

* * *

It was a ritual she partook in for as long as she could remember. Her and nature, doing a dance. She wondered when it was that she stopped. She frowned. When did she stop dancing with one of her very best friends?

* * *

She was at her father's house. She was a good little girl, adsorbing what was being taught well and wanting to do her father and her people proud. Still, there were a lot of ropes she had to learn, since she was still new. But learn it she was determined. She wanted to stop those frowns from her father. Those frowns that said plainly that what she was doing was 'unbecoming of a lady'. She could be a lady. She could be a lady just fine, and she would show it to the world, and father would smile at her with all the warmth and love that she could ever want.

Still, when she heard the call, she could not stop from jumping to her feet in the rush of wanting to meet and see the carnival yet again. Running out the door in a blur, she held little thought for the conditions her pretty white shoes could be in sloshing in the mud, of how would happen to her crisp starched dress. It was going to come and she would once again, partake in the dance. She ran and ran to the direction of the forest and lost herself in the trees. She could feel the air around her hold it's breath and everyone looking to the sky in anticipation of the carnival dance. Without fail, it came and delivered.

The booming drums were the splendid entrance for the rest of the party as the dancers and musicians stepped to the beat. With a laugh and a joyful cry, Singapore joined the dance of nature. She twirled and stepped. She jumped and stretched. She reached for the sky and the sky reached for her, the lightning flashing it's approval and the thunder trumpeting it's joy. She whirled with the wind and ran with the rain, sliding in the earth and holding hands with the trees. She sang as loud as she could, and the rest sang with her in the festival of nature.

Like always, it ended too fast. She waved goodbye to the performers as they went their merry way and eagerly awaited the next time she would join the dance,

It never came.

"Singapore! Where have you been! I have been worried sick over your disappearance! Get inside the house this instant!"

She went in quietly, puzzled by why her father was so angry.

There she was taught about nature. There she was taught to fear the lightning. To frown at the thunder. To hide from the rain and shield herself from the wind. They were not her friends. They spoilt her shoes and messed up her dress. They were scary things that she should keep away from. They would make her sick, and then she couldn't play. The wind would make her cold and uncomfortable, ruffling her dress and making her unpresentable. The rain would make her catch a cold. The thunder was loud and unrefined. The lighting was a demon waiting to burn her to a crisp.

The soil disliked the rain and grew muddy. The trees trembled at the wind. The animals hid for shelter. All this she was taught and expected to believe.

Why…? She could not understand, but being the good and obedient girl she was, bit her lip and nodded.

The next time the carnival came, she was grounded in her room unable to escape. Never had a storm seemed so endless or long to her as she yearned to run into their waiting arms and join them in their dance. The called and pleased for her to join them, the wind howling her name in a plead, the thunder booming out to demand her presence, the lightning flashing in an attempt to lure her and the rain touching her window and dripping from it sadly. Though she wanted to she couldn't. Not under the watchful eye of her father figure. Her whole being begged her to go out and play as she did, but she held strong. She nearly broke and the begging of the party, but England anchored her to her room.

After what seemed to be hours and hours, the storm finally turned away. Dragging it's feet along, it sulked and mourned leaving without a part of their party. Looking back for a while, Singa nearly cried at the disappointed look of nature. _Maybe next time_? It asked hopefully. Singa dared not reply.

Never was she so relieved to see the storm go. Never was she so sad.

She looked to her father and gave him a shaky smile. He nodded in approval. Inwardly, she cried.

* * *

In the car she sighed. That was it then. Another memory of her time with England. She looked out and saw the familiar HDB apartments, and once again, it took her back.

* * *

She stepped off the boat back to Singapore. How long had it been? Very, very, very long. She had grown from the time that she was is England's house,(admittedly not much in terms of height) and she stood proud and tall, finally at her own shores…

She barely recognized the place… Where was all her villagers..? Where were all her Kampongs…? Where were her jungles? Her trees? Where was the Singapore that she had left…?

She looked around wide eyed. She had changed so much…

Following her guardian, she was led to a pretty house by the edge of everything, with a pretty lawn, and manicured flowerbeds. It was so different from her previous kampong house…. Here she knew that once again, even if she wanted to, she could not go running across her land laughing joyously as she once did, without a care in the world. Here she knew that her life in England had changed her, truly so, and that she could never return to the way she was again. Her appearance mattered more than her will. She lifted her skirts and she walked on the gravel, so as to keep them clean, and entered her new home, ignoring the familiar but strangely distant pull of the approaching storm.

* * *

Singapore blinked. She ran a hand through her hair. She needed to stop getting those flashbacks. They would only lead her to the most recent time with the rain… Something she would probably forever think of as sad, as she finally came to the realization that, just as she blocked out the carnival…

* * *

It was after she had gotten her independence. Once she had her HDB blocks. When she was already stabilized and could spare some free time to have fun and relax. She could finally feel like a child again, going out for ice cream and playing at the playgrounds.

She felt it.

It was going to rain soon. It was going to be heavy. She remembered in her time before that she used to be able to dance with them. Perhaps…?

She ran to the nearest waiting land space where there were no buildings or concrete roads to distract her and waited. It came. She was thrilled. The feel of the rain on her skin, cold, but refreshing was one that was a relief to her. All the participants were here. She held up her head, and prepared to join the dance that she had not been able to join for such a long time. She waited for the feel. The moves to come to her. The wind and the rain leading her through the steps while the sky played it's music.

It never came.

She stood there in the rain, soaking wet, looking around at a performance that she was clearly not able to join. The beat was one she did not get. The steps were unknown to her. The music changed in her ears. She had forgotten how to dance with them.

She took a step back. Another step back. She ran all the way back to her apartment, unable to stand the surge of disappointment that had welled up inside of her. Duh. Of course she wouldn't know how to dance with them anymore. How long had it been since she had last done so? Ages. It was natural for her to forget the steps. It was natural for her to be left out of the loop, after so long of distancing herself away.

The rain was a pain. It stopped the play. The wind was troublesome, messing around with her papers. The thunder was loud and distracting and the lightning made shadows on the wall.

She knew that by heart now.

From the safety of her house, she watched the rain. The electric light dimming the lightning. The sound of her headphones, belting out the new hits contrasted with the thunder. The window prevented the rain from coming in, and the electrical fan at her side kept her cool.

She stared at the carnival outside, listening to the music they made and watching their performance.

No longer a participant and a part, she could only watch as they danced on.

* * *

She stepped out of the car as she reached her destination. She didn't look back as she felt the wind start to pick up, and the stage start to be set. She was no longer a part of that world anymore. Instead, she went inside the building, took the window seat, and enjoyed the performance.

* * *

_Once upon a time there was a little child who loved to dance. She would dance whenever the circus came to her house and joined their little festival._

_But one day, she stopped. She stopped looking at the circus as she concentrated on what was more important. She stopped attending the festival._

_Then she grew up. Walking by a circus, she curiously went inside. To her delight, it was the same one that she used to dance with as a child. She went in with a big smile and thought about her childhood. Perhaps she could join them once again?_

_Alas, her actions finally told her differently. Her joints could no longer move to the same beat it once did when she was young. Her mind could not remember the move and the steps. She was clumsy and everybody knew it._

_Gently, the performers too her by the hand and led her to the side platform, where the rest of the audience was._

_She could do nothing but to follow. She did not remember the circus, nor did the circus remember her._

_Throughout the day, she sat at the side and watched what once upon a time, she was able to join._

(owari)

Singapore is getting more and more aware of how far apart she is with nature, and she is slowly trying to get back what she lost. But Buildings and skyscrapers cannot be torn down just for that. She's trying, but do you think she would be able to ever join nature they way she used to?


End file.
